Living in Sin
by kittyb90
Summary: Remember when Angelus bit Faith and it all turned out to be a big trick, and the good guys saved the day and brought Angel back? Well, let’s pretend it wasn’t a trick, and Angelus turned Faith. That's what this story is about.
1. Rage Against the Dying of the Light

**Living in Sin**

_Author: kittyb90_

_Rating: R (a very hard R)_

_Summary: Remember when Angelus bit Faith and it all turned out to be a big trick, and the good guys saved the day and brought Angel back? Well, let's pretend it wasn't a trick, and Angelus turned Faith. That's what this story is about._

_Author's Note: If you've read any of my other stuff you know that I write angst-filled romances with happy endings. This is NOT one of those stories. This is dark and twisted and it's creeping me out to have it rolling around in my brain. This is probably the strangest thing I've ever written, and it is NOT a shiny, happy story. It's about the consequences of turning a Slayer and the twisted perversity that is Angelus and Faith's relationship. If you don't like it that's perfectly understandable, but YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!_

**Chapter One: Rage Against the Dying of the Light**

"You're wrong; I'm not like you." Angelus moved so fast she barely had time to register what had happened before she was dumped on her ass. Then his hands were on her arms, and she was being dragged back against him.****

"You will be." Faith gasped as she felt his fangs plunge deep into the side of her neck. The pain was unbearable, and she struggled in his arms. His grip was unbreakable, and she felt her life slowly slipping away. She had failed. She'd failed them all. Angel was gone forever, and she was going to die here in the arms of this filthy animal that had taken his place. She'd always known she'd die some day, but _this_. This was just so meaningless.****

Everything began to fade away as Angelus continued to feed. Before she lost consciousness completely she felt something being pressed against her mouth. She tried to push it away, but she was too weak to move. From far away she thought she heard him laugh, and then there was nothing.****

*          *          *          *

It felt like she hadn't eaten in years. Her hunger was desperate and immediate, and the only thought on her mind as she woke was that if she didn't eat soon she might die. She realized as she opened her eyes that she couldn't remember where she was or how she got there. It was strange, really; seemed like there was something important she was supposed to be doing.

She stretched languorously before climbing to her feet. She turned, taking in her surroundings; abandoned building, signs of struggle, rubble all around – and _him. He stood leaning against the wall staring at her, a smile on his face. He straightened and walked slowly toward her, the look in his eyes making her shiver._

"Angel?" she said uncertainly.

"Close. I've been waiting forever for you to wake up. Worth the wait, though; you're looking good. More confused than I expected, but definitely-"

"What's wrong with me? I feel…funny." Faith shifted uneasily. "And why are we here? I can't remember anything." His smile widened.

"Really?" He walked around her in a slow circle, looking her up and down with that weird look in his eye. "That's interesting." He stopped suddenly, standing behind her. "I guess we should get you back to the hotel, figure out what's wrong. Don't you think?"

"I – I guess." She turned her head slightly to look at him. "Angel, are you okay? You're acting kinda…strange." He reached down, taking her hand as he dragged her along behind him.

"Never been better, Faithy. Never been better."

All the way to the hotel Angel kept smiling at her and shooting her strange enigmatic looks; she wasn't sure what had happened, why her memory was all wonky, why she wanted to… hurt people. She'd always been filled with rage; it was something she'd worked long and hard at controlling, but this was different. She glanced at people as she passed them on the street, assailed by nightmare visions – or at least they _should_ have been nightmarish. Instead she felt herself getting excited by it all –_ the redhead on the corner, naked, bleeding, her insides pouring out of the jagged cut in her belly –  She shook her head slightly; what was going on?_

"Faith?" She turned to face Angel, her eyes wild.

"What's wrong with me?" She looked back towards the crowd – _little girl with her mother, crying, begging them to stop as they tear her mother apart – Angel caught her arm, turning her face up to his. "Why am I-"_

"You want to hurt them, don't you? You can see it in your head, can't you? How beautiful it would be." He was smiling. She nodded. "I was starting to get worried."

"What the hell is going on?" He brushed his hand down the side of her face.

"Come on, Faith. Don't be stupid. You know what's going on."

"You _made me." She stumbled back, eyes wide in horror. "Oh my god." Everything spun around her as she fought for breath, breath she suddenly realized she didn't need. Angelus reached out and grabbed her arm, a scowl on his face._

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you reacting like this?"

"I don't- I don't know." She shook her head. "Why do I still care? Why is," she could feel herself starting to lose control, "everything so…" She dropped to the ground, her vision fading as she began to lose consciousness. "What did you do?" she whispered. "What did…" And then everything went black.

~_Take them. Hurt them. Make them bleed. ~_

_~It's your calling. You have a sacred duty. ~_

_~You know you want it. Spill the blood, feed the hunger, and kill them. ~_

_~They're a plague on humanity. Wipe them out. Wipe them all out. ~_

_~Take the knife. Cut into them. The screams will be exquisite. ~_

_~You have to stop them. People are depending on you. ~_

_~Want. Take. Have. ~_

_~It's your duty. ~_

_~It's your nature. ~_

_~Kill them. ~_

_~Hurt them. ~_

_~They have to die. ~_

Faith sat up with a start, taking in her surroundings. Motel. Dark. Angelus lying next to her. She rolled out of bed, landed in a crouch and hurriedly gathered her clothes. She moved towards the door as she pulled on her shirt, pausing to glance at him on the bed. Why had he undressed her? Probably just wanted to examine the goods, she thought, her face twisting in disgust. Wasn't that why he'd done this to her? Making himself a new mate or some bullshit? She wondered if he'd liked what he'd seen, imagined his hands moving over her naked body as he stripped her clothing off piece by piece. Had he touched her while she was unconscious, done things to her?         She felt her excitement growing and stepped closer to the bed. She bet he knew thousands of ways to make a girl scream. She stopped suddenly. What the hell was she thinking? She took a step back, but Angelus caught her wrist. She looked down to find him watching her with a smirk.

"You should've run while you had the chance." He yanked her back down on the bed, his hand moving down over her stomach. "See, I'm wondering just what it is you were thinking about. What is it that's got you so," his hand slipped between her thighs, "worked up. I could smell you, so strong it woke me up." She squirmed away from him, but he held on tight. "So, what were you thinking about, hmm, Faith?"

He watched her, trying to fight what he knew was inside her, trying to figure out why she was suddenly moving against his hand instead of pushing him away. He didn't understand why she'd been so confused, why she hadn't known she'd been turned, but he knew that the demon inside would assert itself soon enough. He was sure of it; he'd just have to help it along. He sat up suddenly, pulling her up so that her back was against his chest. One hand moved gently along the inside of her thigh, while the other moved to her throat, squeezing harder and harder as he leaned down to whisper in her ear,

"I want to make you scream." She shuddered against him, and he smiled in satisfaction. "You want it, don't you?"

"No," she said, barely able to speak. She tried to shake her head in denial, but he tightened his grip, pulling her head back against him.

"Yes, you do." His face changed, and he bit her shoulder, wringing a moan from her. "Afterwards we'll hunt. You haven't fed yet, and it's making you weak. I'll find you something special, someone you can have a little fun with." He saw her face change, and she nodded in mute assent. So easy. The demon wanted to play; Faith would soon see that this was much better, for both of them.

The sex had been strangely intoxicating. She'd never experienced anything like it; she was fairly certain that she wouldn't have wanted to experience anything like that when she was human, but the demon was fucking with her mind, making her want… disgusting things. Making her enjoy them. God, the pain Angelus inflicted was incredible. The things they did to each other… she was surprised they hadn't torn each other apart. She flexed her arm where he'd nearly broken it. Maybe they'd come closer than she'd realized.

Hunting with him had also been strange. For a brief moment when he had grabbed the girl and dragged her into the alley, Faith had an overwhelming urge to protect her, to do her Slayer duty. Then she'd smelled the fear, watched the girl begging, and a hunger like she'd never known had surged through her. She had torn into that girl's neck like a wild thing, ripping and tearing and moaning in ecstasy as the rich blood slipped down her throat; Angelus's laughter filling her ears the whole time.

When there had been no more blood left to drink she'd tossed the girl aside and turned to look at him. She'd slowly licked the blood from her hand, her eyes never leaving his as she sucked on each finger. He hadn't been laughing then. He'd fucked her up against the wall that night, leaving her raw and bloody from the rough press of the bricks against her back. Later, he'd cleaned her wounds and tucked her tenderly into bed. She'd watched him warily, wondering what game he was playing, but to her surprise he had just climbed into bed and held her as he'd drifted off to sleep. And for a moment she had been able to pretend it was Angel that held her, that she was still human, and that everything would be alright when she woke up. And so she had slept.

He woke before she did. Thought about waking her up for some fun, but he decided he could wait. For now. Instead he sat in the chair beside the bed, watching while she slept. God, she was beautiful. She was perfect for him; he'd always known it. Even when the lightweight had been in charge, he'd seen her, and he'd known that her savagery was a match for his own. He'd tried to prod Angel into doing something about it a couple times, but the big hero had had other plans for his girl. Thought he could save her, bring her into the light, make her like _him. Idiot. Beauty like hers could never be tamed, harnessed maybe, but never tamed._

She was a wellspring waiting to be tapped, and he knew exactly how to do it. Turn her, teach her, bring her up right. Just like Darla had done with him. There'd be none of the mistakes that had been made with William. He really shouldn't have let Dru take the lead on that one. Boy was weak, too emotional, but Faith – Faith would be a masterpiece. He'd teach her the true art of death, starting with Angel's little gang. He really wished he'd saved Wes for her. She'd seemed to enjoy torturing that one back in the day. But he'd gotten hungry waiting for her to wake up, and he hadn't really felt the need to go out for dinner when it was right there waiting for him.

She rolled towards him, kicking the sheets off as she went. Smooth, silky limbs; firm, sleek curves, every inch of her was perfection. He watched as she stretched and blinked sleepily. She smiled at him for a moment, and then the sleep faded from her eyes and her expression turned to the more familiar one of contempt and derision. For a moment he wished she'd smile again, but he shook away the ridiculous thought and moved to sit next to her on the bed.

"Got something fun planned for later," he said.

"Really? Let me guess; is it the same murder and mayhem as last night?" She rolled her eyes as she moved away from him. "I think I'll pass." He wrapped his hand in her hair and pulled her head back, forcing her to look at him.

"Thought we might make a little trip to the Hyperion."

"What? Why?" He shook his head. What was she, stupid?

"Take care of some business. See some old friends." Her eyes widened slightly, and she looked slightly sick.

"No." She pulled away from him, dressing hurriedly.

"What do you mean, "No"?"

"I mean no. We are not going anywhere near the hotel, got it? I'm not letting you hurt them." She looked up at him defiantly. "I will _never let you. Not them. No way." He stared at her for a second in disbelief, and then he started to laugh._

"Look at you! All tough and commanding. Why would you even care? I mean, the only one you even knew was Cordelia, and, well, I think we all know how you felt about her."

"I know Wesley, too. And I care because Angel would care. I'm not letting you hurt your friends. His friends." She shook her head. "Whatever." He walked over to stand in front of her, tilting her face up to his.

"Sweetheart, Wesley's already dead." Her eyes widened in shock, and his lips twitched into a slight smile, and he shrugged. "Got hungry. I have to say, I'm really not liking this side of you. You're not supposed to care about this stuff anymore. What's wrong with you, huh, Faith? Can't you do _anything right?" She stiffened and knocked his hand away from her face._

"Not my fault you screwed up the siring gig." He leaned down, brushing his lips against her ear.

"Can't you just imagine it, Faith? I think you'd probably enjoy doing Gunn first, hear him scream, taste his fear. Cordy's mine, of course, but Fred, well, I wouldn't mind sharing. I bet you could help me come up with something really special for her." He felt her sway against him, her words barely above a whisper.

"Can I cut out her tongue?" She paused. "The nervous babbling… it's annoying." He smiled, pulling her closer.

"You can do whatever you want, kitten. And I would _love _to watch you work." His hand slid down over her hip, his fingers dragging along her thigh. "Come on; it'll be fun." She closed her eyes, a blissful expression on her face, and then she was tearing at his clothes, her mouth hungry on his as they tumbled to the floor.

They had it planned perfectly; when they would go, how they would do it, and she had never seen anyone look as happy as Angelus did. He really was a sick bastard. Not that she was any better. God, she'd been like a bitch in heat after their little conversation; she hadn't been able to get enough. She'd taken him every way imaginable, and he'd been more than willing to oblige. She'd done things to him that she hadn't even known were possible. Her demon must have come with kinky sex stuff preprogrammed in. It had been unbelievably hot, and it probably would have gone on for much longer if she hadn't said… what she'd said.

She'd called him Angel, screamed it as she came, and he'd thrown her against the wall so hard she was still dizzy. He'd just looked her, his face unreadable, and then he'd walked out. She sat there for several minutes, confused, before she'd finally realized what she'd done. And then she'd thrown up for half an hour, huddled pitifully over the toilet as she wretched. Made her sick to know that she had gotten off on the thought of torturing his friends and then called out his name, that she had somehow confused the two of them in her mind, that she had even thought of Angel during such… perversity. God, what had she become? She cleaned herself up before dragging the phone into the bathroom. She dialed the number and hung up three times before finally letting the call go through.

"Hello?" It was Fred.

"Angelus is coming. Get everybody out of the hotel."

"Faith? Is that you? We've all been so worried; what hap-"

"Look, I don't have time for this. Just… meet me at, um, Wesley's place. I'll explain everything later; just get everyone out of there. Now." She hung up, dropping her head on to her knees. She sat for a moment, collecting herself, and then stood to leave the bathroom. She opened the door and headed for the table. Something slammed hard into the back of her skull, and she dropped like a rock. She saw his shoes as he walked away from her, and then there was nothing but darkness.

The bitch had tried to call it off, send them all a little warning. What the hell was going on with her? She was supposed to be evil now; why was she fucking everything up? Why was she still concerned about people she should be happy to kill? He didn't get it. She didn't have a soul; he knew that, at least, so what had gone wrong? Why was she helping them? Didn't matter really. He'd put a quick end to it, show her how it was done, wash the sickness out of her with their blood. She'd be fine. Everything would be fine. He just had to fix it, was all.

Apparently, hitting her over the head and chaining her up was an interest shared by both the souled _and_ unsouled version of this particular vamp. Bastard. He'd been sitting across the room from her, watching and waiting, staring at her with those cold dead eyes as she'd awakened. When she'd realized what he'd done and struggled to break free, he'd smiled that smile that always managed to make her skin crawl.

"Did you really think you could get away with it?" He shook his head as he stood and moved to the closet. "Shame on you, Faithy.  If you don't want to go to the party, well," he yanked the door open, "I'll just have to bring the party to you." A body tumbled out of the closet. A girl, hands tied, mouth taped shut, eyes wide with fear as she looked pleadingly at Faith. It was the skinny one, Fred, her face all bruised and streaked with tears. Faith thought desperately for a way to help her even as she felt excitement rise within her as she scented the girl's fear.

"Let her go, Angel. Please." He was on the bed so fast it made her dizzy, his fingers wrapped around her throat.

"Don't. Call me. That," he growled, the demon surging forward. She decided to switch tactics. She leaned forward slightly, running her tongue over his bottom lip before giving him a sultry smile.

"Come on, baby. Why don't we just ditch the girl and have a little fun. Just you and me. I'll make you feel so good, be so naughty, just for you." She slid down slightly, rubbing her hips against his. "You'd like that wouldn't you? We don't need her, do we?" She tilted her head back, licking her lips. It was actually starting to sound pretty appealing; she hoped he'd take her up on it. And not just because of Fred. He smiled suddenly, trailed his hand down over her breast.

"Oh, you're good!" he said. "Trying to get me all distracted, help out your "friend"?" She shook her head slightly, arching towards him.

"Maybe. Doesn't mean it ain't the truth."

"See, here's the thing, we can get as naughty as you want. Doesn't mean I'm gonna let her go."

"What, you want her to watch?"

"The thought _had crossed my mind. Then, after, we can have fun with her, too." Fred let out a whimper, and he smiled. "You've been having problems with the change. I think you need to do this, rid yourself of that disgusting bit of humanity rattling around inside your head." She looked at the girl, imagining what it would be like to give free reign to the fantasies she'd had lately. To be able to cut into that smooth young flesh, to hear her screams, taste her blood. She thought about the girl watching the two of them fuck before she died, and a smile crossed her face. Maybe Angelus was right; maybe doing this would rid her of the confusion, help her focus. Besides, it sounded like fun. She turned her face up to his._

"Let's do it," she whispered.

"There's my girl."

She sat huddled in the shower, staring blankly at the wall. It had been so much fucking fun, the things she and Angelus had done. After they were through with each other, they'd turned to Fred. God, that girl was brave. You wouldn't expect it from someone so meek and timid; Faith had been sure she'd be screaming before they even got to the good stuff. But she didn't, not even a little. Oh, sure, she'd cried, and there'd been whimpering and gasps of pain, but no screaming. She wasn't sure how Fred had managed to hold it in. Hell, Faith was pretty sure _she'd_ have been screaming if the tables were turned, so how was it that this tiny little girl had been able to withstand what they did to her? It was amazing.

When Fred finally died, Faith expected to feel bad about it. Instead, she'd  just wanted more. Angelus could tell, took her out hunting, then took her to Wesley's to show her what he'd done to the others. She'd been impressed. He really was an artist. They'd come home, and Fred had still been there. It surprised her, not that she'd expected the dead girl to get up and leave, but the mess they'd made of her… Before, it had seemed beautiful, but as Faith stood looking at her she began to realize how obscene it was, to destroy something so strong and brave, something – _someone – that Angel had loved dearly… What had she been thinking?_

She'd headed for the shower, refusing Angelus's offer to join her, and here she sat, water running cold, mind filled with images of Fred's eyes – begging, pleading with her – as she'd tormented her. Angelus pounded on the door, startling her, and she snapped out of her reverie. She stood slowly and turned off the water. She stood in front of the mirror for a long time, staring at the emptiness of what she'd become. There was nothing there to see, and she wondered whether it would be better or worse if she was able to see herself reflected there. She toweled off quickly before walking out into the bedroom. Angelus looked at her for a moment, head cocked, aware that something wasn't right with her. She closed her eyes briefly before meeting his gaze. She whispered,

"Hurt me." And he smiled.

**TBC**


	2. Dry Lover Mine

**Living in Sin**

_Author:_ kittyb90

_Rating:_ R

**Chapter Two: Dry Lover Mine**

"You like that?" He was watching her with an intensity that she found both irritating and arousing.

"Harder," she ground out. "Come on, Angelus, don't be a pussy. At least _try_ to make it hurt." He tightened the ropes before doing as she asked.

"Better?" She shuddered, a sigh of pleasure slipping past her lips. He smiled, moving to kiss her, but she turned slightly away so that his mouth slid down her throat instead.

"Not on the mouth."

* * *

She thought maybe she had been normal at one time. She knew it hadn't been for long, but she was sure that somewhere inside her mind was the memory of a happy girl doing regular, happy, girl type things. She hadn't been able to pull that memory up yet, but she kept trying. She searched back through her life – before her mother got all fucked up, before the boyfriends started looking to her after her mother had passed out, before she got the calling – but there was a barrier there, and she could never seem to get past it to find the good stuff.

All she remembered of her life was pain and rage and betrayal until finally, for one brief shining moment, Angel had seen her, seen the _real_ her, and known just what to do to save her from herself. And then she had been safe. She had been loved. And there was peace. She had clung to that moment during her time in prison, clung to it as she tried desperately to repay Angel for what he'd done for her, and she clung to it now, even as she knew she had become something vile, something Angel would have killed had he been around.

But he wasn't around. And Angelus was. And sometimes, sometimes she could almost pretend that he was still the friend she had loved. In the quiet moments she would look at him, and she would feel that peace flood through her, and she was happy. Then he'd shatter the illusion by beating her or raping and torturing some innocent young thing right in front of her. And it was then that she would realize just how far beyond normal she had gone. Because she enjoyed it. Even as she fought back, even as she longed to rescue his victims, she knew that she would never give any of this up, not for anything. And so she joined him in his hunts. And she was happy. And every day she hated herself just a little bit more.

* * *

It amazed her, the things she was aware of now that she'd never noticed before. The rush of blood pulsing through veins, the steady rhythm of a heartbeat and the way it suddenly sped up when her victim realized she was something other than human, the slight intake of breath as she bit into their jugular, and the sweet sound of fading life. Every emotion flowing off the people around her had a distinct smell, fear, desire, excitement, sadness; it was all so beautiful. She loved to immerse herself in the sounds and smells, seeking out her prey through those senses alone. Angelus thought her choices were random and haphazard, but every single victim was carefully chosen.

"I'm just saying, you could stand to be a little more particular. Watch them, study them, pick the most exquisite kill. This isn't the weekly trip to the market, princess; this is art."

"It's not art, you jackass. We're monsters. We hunt; we feed. End of story." Faith flicked her cigarette into the road. "I'm not random, you know. I have my reasons for every single kill I've made. Just 'cause I'm not going all crazy, psycho freak about it like you do doesn't make my choices any less valid." She stuck her hands in her pockets, giving him a dirty look. "And stop calling me princess. It's annoying."

"What are we doing?" She stopped, turning to look at him.

"Well, I thought we were going for a walk." She waited for him to respond, but he just stared at her with that dull, blank look on his face. "You know, that thing you do when you put one foot in front of the other and wind up in a different place than where you were."

"No, this… We've been doing this kind of crap all week. Why are we just walking around having pointless conversations?"

"What? I thought it was kinda fun. Talking, having a discussion like people do." She frowned. "We're discussing our killing methods so, yeah, not exactly normal, but almost pleasant in an 'I'm only here 'cause I have no other choice' kinda way. Still…" He growled in disgust.

"That's what I mean. Talking like people. Walking around like some kind of… couple. We're not people, Faith; we should be out killing instead of standing around talking about it."

"We've _been_ killing. This is just a little post-hunt entertainment. It's nice."

"I don't _do_ nice. This, this is just disgusting." He strode off angrily, leaving her alone.

"Fine," she muttered. "I didn't want to talk to you anymore anyway."

* * *

He'd been in a weird mood when he got home, spent a lot of time beating on her and not in the usual fun way. She'd fought back like she always did, but everything was all off. She was usually the one filled with hate and anger and self-disgust. Angelus usually spent the whole fight smiling or laughing or annoying her in some other irritating way. Something had gotten into him, though, and he hadn't thought it was at all funny this time.

He'd laid into her with a fierce determination to make her pay. For what, well, that was a little fuzzy. She didn't know what his fucking problem was, but it kind of threw her off her game. Three broken ribs, a split lip, and her left eye was swollen shut. She went into the bathroom to clean up afterwards, and when she came out he was gone. She fell into bed thinking maybe this time he wouldn't come back at all. Hoping she was right. Praying that she was wrong.

* * *

She wasn't sure when it started, couldn't really remember the first kill. She only did it on nights when Angelus wasn't with her, and she wasn't sure why she hid it from him. He'd done it before, too; it wasn't as if demons killing demons was forbidden or anything. Her reasons for doing it were different than other vamps', but the end result was the same so what did it matter?

She watched them as they followed a couple of young lovers through the park. Stupid kids. Completely oblivious to the danger they were in. She watched as the boy stroked his girlfriends neck, followed the sweep of his fingers as they grazed the girl's pulse. Faith's gaze became riveted to the spot, imagining the sweet flow of blood across her tongue. She could almost hear her cries; smell the boyfriend's fear as he tried to help. She shook her head, pushing away the distracting images. Should have eaten before she started this. Better grab a quick bite after.

He was waiting for her when she got home. Caught her off guard, slamming her up against the wall, his face inches away from hers as his face twisted in rage.

"Where were you?"

"Hunting."

"Humans?" She shot him a look of annoyance.

"Of course. Isn't that what we do, our reason for being or some bullshit?" He pushed away from her, his arms crossed as he paced the room.

"Some of us. And then there are some of us who go out, get into a fight at the local demon bar, and take out half the vamps in the place."

"First of all, they started it, alright? And it's not like you're exactly keeping the peace when you go down there." She stripped off her jacket, tossing it on the bed. "And it wasn't half; it was _all_." He was in front of her so fast she barely had time to register it before he backhanded her.

"It wasn't all of them. At least one got away." She cradled her jaw in her hand and glared at him.

"How the fuck do you know if one got away?"

"I _know_ because he followed you all over town tonight and watched as you tracked down and destroyed five nests. Couldn't stop there, though, could you, Faithy? Had to go and rescue some innocents while you were at it." He stared at her for a moment, clenching and unclenching his jaw. "Dammit, Faith. What the hell are you doing? If you're gonna start acting like Spike could you at least be discreet?"

"I'm not saving people; I'm just-"

"Just what, Faith? I thought you got all this Slayer crap out of your system."

"This isn't Slayer _crap_, you idiot. If I want to kill some goddamn vamps, I will; I don't have to answer to you. Or anyone else." He grabbed her arm, and she jerked away from him. "God, who the fuck do you think you are? You don't own me." She stripped off her clothes as she headed for the bathroom. "I'm gonna go take a shower; I got dust all over me." She glanced over her shoulder. "You coming or what?"

* * *

She watched him as he slept; it was a ritual she'd begun months ago, and she was fairly certain he had no idea that she did it. Seeing him this way, peaceful, serene, almost… innocent; it was hard for her to remember that he wasn't Angel.

She'd loved Angel, and while she knew he had cared for her he had never wanted her the way Angelus did. Her relationship with Angelus was an all-consuming delirium that she wasn't sure she could ever live without, but sometimes she still missed the gentle smile and the haunted eyes that belonged only to Angel.

She didn't understand why she felt this desire for him. For Angelus. She hated him, hated that he'd taken Angel away from her, hated that he'd turned her into a monster, but something about him called to the dark part of her. She looked at him, and something feral unfurled deep inside of her, something that urged her to take what she wanted. Enjoy the death and violence, enjoy his body in hers. Take it. Use it. Revel in it.

She'd been listening to that voice a lot lately. Angelus thought she was normal now, no more weird moments of conscience, no more Slayer living inside her head. She let him believe it because she thought eventually it wouldn't be a lie, but the voices wouldn't die, and the dreams never left her. This constant war in her head was driving her crazy. Overpowering images of blood and death and carnage filled her mind, making her hungry, making her wet. Then behind it all, something telling her it was wrong, telling her she shouldn't want these things. Conflicting natures fighting for dominance. Sooner or later she was gonna lose the fight, and it was only a matter of time before he figured out that she wasn't who he thought she was. She watched as Angelus reached out for her in his sleep. Her grip tightened on the stake she held, and a smile crossed her face. Soon.

* * *

_What are you doing? You're stronger than this. Fight it._

_Can you feel it? The hunger surging inside you, the rush of their blood as they fight for their lives?_

_They need your help, Faith._

_They need the peace you can bring them. It's all for the best. Death is just the beginning._

_You're not a killer._

_Death is your gift._

__

"Bad dreams?" If anyone else had asked she would have thought they were concerned, but with Angelus she knew it was anything but. Compassion wasn't exactly his strong suit.

"My dreams are none of your fucking business," she bit out as she rolled out of bed.

"Feisty," he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her back down underneath him. "I like it." He moved to kiss her, and she sent him sprawling with a shove.

"I'm not in the mood, Angelus." She climbed back up, but he knocked her to the ground before she got to the door. He gave her a mocking smile as he pinned her hands above her head.

"Doesn't really matter." He knew what she liked, just how to touch her, just how to hurt her in all the right places. She almost gave in, but she was really sick of letting him run the show. The look of surprise on his face when she threw him across the room was priceless. The hint of nervousness as she approached him – even better. She grabbed him by the throat, lifting him off his feet as she slammed him against the wall.

"I think it's time we got something straight. You may be my sire, you may wear the face of someone that I used to care about, but that doesn't get you jack shit from me." She tossed him back on the bed, moving quickly to straddle him. "In case it's escaped your notice, I'm stronger than you." She leaned her arm across his throat and pressed down, hard. "You only hurt me because I _let_ you hurt me. We only fuck when _I_ want to fuck." She climbed off of him, dragging on her clothes. "I don't know what you made me for, but I'm not here to be your toy so you need to get over that idea real quick."

"Why _are_ you here?" She faltered slightly at the door.

"I…don't know." He was behind her before she could move, his hand holding the door shut, his chest pressed tight against her back as he whispered in her ear in that infuriatingly smug voice,

"You need me, Faith." His lips moved on her throat, teeth biting gently. "That's why you're here." She stood rigid in his embrace, anger rushing through her. She turned to face him, her hands moving over his chest, and he smiled. _Bastard probably thinks he won._

"Angelus?" she murmured, sliding her body against his.

"Yeah, baby?" She titled his chin so he was looking her in the eye.

"I don't need _anyone_." His face tightened, and she pulled the door open to go. "I never have, and I never will."

* * *

She shouldn't be here. Faith backed up until she was sure the girl couldn't see her. She shouldn't be here; she should be miles away with her friends. If Angelus knew she was here… No. No. No. Had to warn her. Make her leave before something bad happened – _long, slow, sweet torture, this one always hated her, time to get a little payback_ – NO. Faith shook her head. Couldn't let the darkness swallow this one. Had to warn –

"Faith?" Her head shot up in surprise. Should have been paying attention. "I almost didn't see you."

"Willow. Hey."

"Don't worry," she whispered, glancing around furtively. "I know all about the jail break. Talked to Wes right after, said you were helping out with some big scary that was brewing up this way. How'd that work out for ya, anyway?"

"Good. Great. Still in one piece so… How's things with you? Shouldn't you be down helping kick demon ass in SunnyD?" Willow waved her hand dismissively.

"That? Just got done averting a big ol' world destroying apocalypse. You know, giant evil, come to kill us all. Same old, same old. We usually have a little down time before things kick back into gear."

"Get out of town. Now." Willow frowned.

"Look, Faith, I know we're not exactly friends, but- " Faith grabbed her.

"I'm serious. You gotta go. There's stuff going on… I know you have no reason to trust me what with the whole kidnapping and holding you at knife point thing- "

"Oh, that?" Willow rolled her eyes. "So over it."

"But you gotta trust me right now when I tell you to leave." Willow stared at her for a long time, and Faith started to get worried that she might just ignore her warnings.

"Okay. Okay, I'll go, but you gotta call me later and let me know what the heck is going on."

"I will just… go." Willow studied her for a long, endless moment before turning and walking away.

When Faith got back to the apartment she sat staring at the wall, unsure of her decision. It was good that she had saved Willow, right? It would have been wrong to let Angelus kill her, not to mention the trouble it would have brought down on their heads. Buffy would have found out; then they'd have had to deal with a pissed off Slayer, and they really didn't need that. It was a good thing. Wasn't it? – _eyes__ filled with fear, pleading for mercy, red hair sticking to the blood on her face_ – Faith shook her head. – _Buffy, finally put down, finally taught a lesson, her smug, self-righteous face dead and blank_ – Faith smiled slightly. That would've been fun. – _finally__ give that bitch what she deserves, show her who the _real_ Slayer is_ – No, wait. What was she thinking? It was good that she had saved Willow. It was a good thing. It was good. It was good. It was good. It was…

****

**TBC**


End file.
